From Then Till Now

After moving to the desert God has really blessed us. We have twice found church homes without having to do any searching. We have simply visited a Sunday service and instantly knew we were at home. My relationship with my parents has continued to flourish and God has blessed our family with a third child, this time a second son. Though I have not returned to a professional ministry position, I have remained actively involved in the ministries of the churches we have attended. I have continued to take short-term independent tech contracts to help supplement the family income and have even had a few tempting possibilities to return to work full-time both in professional ministry and in secular endeavors, but every time these opportunities have evaporated before coming to fruition.

In the midst of all of this time I have really been dealing with a lot of internal struggles. Many of which are issues of introspection and issues I really haven't wanted to confront. One in particular is a nightmare that has haunted me for more than eighteen years now and has not only aided in the forming of my negative self-worth, but also stymied me in being able to see myself moving forward, let alone actually making substantial strides toward any real goals: the fact that I came so close to completing college and dropped out.

Now, I know that I was very sick and stress was literally killing me. And, had I not stopped when I did I might actually have died. But, what happened? Did I actually get out of a stressful situation and into a period of restoration? NO! I progressively went from one stressful situation to a worse one and sapped my health to an even deeper level. So, did I really do myself any good for taking my eye off of the prize and chickening out when the finish line and smell of victory were so easily within reach? I have never thought it to be true.

While my experiences working with the Assemblies of God General Council, both while attending college and afterwords, left a bitter taste in my mouth and it really was almost a joyous thing to leave Springfield behind in my rearview mirror, I have been plagued with a nightmare ever since of suddenly awakening to find myself back in class at either CBC or Evangel feverishly working to finish what I once started.

That truly would be a nightmare to me, especially to return to CBC. The last thing I want to do is return to that chapter of my life and experience those things all over again. I have already learned that I was not really shaped by God to fit into that environment and unless God speaks to me with an audible voice, I don't think I would ever go willingly back to the Assemblies of God. But, what that nightmare does reveal about me is that I have this tremendous hole in my heart because I feel I quit something I should have been able to complete and I have made certain assessments of my character and, like it or not, I am holding myself back because of it.



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Location:W Mescalero Rd,Roswell,United States